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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292756">I'm losing myself (and I'm afraid you're going to lose me too)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemeMachine562/pseuds/MemeMachine562'>MemeMachine562</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Blackouts, Blue - Freeform, Bullying, Burns, Dissociation, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Fights, Floris | Fundy Has Abandonment Issues, Fluffy but foreboding, Friendship, Headaches &amp; Migraines, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Hybrid discrimination, Hypothermia, Intrusive Thoughts, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, It's the exile arc and Tommy thinks about Dream, Mans wakes up in a field with no memory L, Memory Loss, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Near Death Experiences, No Beta We Die Like Endermen, Phil Watson Adopts Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Random Flower Fields, Scars, Screaming our lungs out, Some Humor, Title from I remember you from Adventure Time, Video Game Mechanics, ranboo's tears burn him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:48:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,173</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292756</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemeMachine562/pseuds/MemeMachine562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the boy came too, he could immediately tell something was wrong. For one, he couldn’t remember his name, if he even had one. He’s pretty sure he’s supposed to have one of those.</p><p>For two, he had no clue where he was, nor how he got there.</p><p> </p><p>Or; 6 times Ranboo woke up somewhere with no memory and 1 time he remembered.<br/>Or Or; Pain, the fic</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Floris | Fundy &amp; Ranboo, Ranboo &amp; Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Completed stories I've read, Ranboo Is Best Boi</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sunset and Flowers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When the boy came too, he could immediately tell something was wrong. For one, he couldn’t remember his name, if he even had one. He’s pretty sure he’s supposed to have one of those.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For two, he had no clue where he was, nor how he got there. He cast his eyes around the flower field he stood in, albeit futility. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected to find. Didn’t know what he had been looking for.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pushing himself to his feet, the boy allowed himself a moment to admire his surroundings. A dense patch of flowers and tall grass -  red and green - fading into the tree line. The sky was alight with flames, gold and reds coloring the clouds as the sun began its long climb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy's legs ached as he moved, he vaguely knew that wasn’t good, and he took a single step forward. He desperately searched through his head. He didn’t think most people woke up alone in fields, but what did he know. Maybe this was normal? How most people started existing? Doubtful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He frowned, disoriented and confused. It felt like something was missing from his head, had he forgotten something? He strolled through his small patch of flowers, pushing them aside as he went and trampling some underfoot. He hardly noticed, as caught up in his own mind as he was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy looked down at himself, observing the clothing he wore. Unlaced hiking boots and knee high socks, with short brown overalls and a partially unbuttoned dress shirt. Weird. That was weird style, wasn’t it? A black and white tail swished behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s when he noticed, he had a necklace. A gold chain with a small heart pendant and a diamond embedded in it. He grasped at it, then pulled it over his head to look at it closer. Oh! There was something engraved on the back. What did it say?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He spent a few minutes just staring at the necklace in his hands, trying to remember how to read it. It slid into place after a few more minutes, ranboo. It said ranboo, was that his name? He supposed it was as good as any other, Ranboo. Yeah, it had a good sound to it. Ranboo smiled happily, pulling his necklace back over his neck. He didn’t want to lose it after all! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo decided that getting out of this field would be a good idea, so he started walking - more wandering then anything - towards the trees.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The trees towered above him, casting Ranboo into shadow. Pale orange light bled through the tallest leaves, dripping watery color onto the ground floor. Ranboo felt strangely comfortable in the forest, and one part of him wanted to stay. To fall asleep under a tree, to sleep through the day and wake when the moon was high. The other part of him rebelled, it pushed him towards what it considered safe, told him to get out of the forest before he got hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo really didn’t want to get hurt, so he decided to push aside his contentment in favor of survival. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> How do you leave somewhere you don’t remember getting to? Ranboo didn’t know, if he did, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Stuck walking in random directions, trying to find the right one. Though, he supposed, if he didn’t have a destination in mind all of the directions were right, weren’t they?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stopped in his tracks, a small crisis hitting him, what was he even trying to do? He couldn’t get started on it until he identified it, could he? That was practically impossible. Maybe he should try to find someone else? Or food, he could use something to eat. Food first, people second. That seemed like a solid plan, this time he wandered with slightly more purpose, listening for any animal sounds. Ranboo didn’t quite know what he planned to do once he found an animal, but he could get to that later. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s when he heard it, a gurgling. Water? Probably a stream. Ranboo decided to head for that, as he was quite thirsty. He reached the tree line and strode past it, finally spotting the source of the noise. A small stream that fed into an even smaller pond. Success! Ranboo smiled proudly and bounced over to the water.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Staring into the water, Ranboo saw his reflection for the first time. Fluffy hair colored white and black, with his face split in a similar manner. His eyes were emerald green and ruby red, shining back at him with curiosity. It almost felt like his reflection was a separate person, no matter how much common sense told him that was silly. He didn’t feel like the boy in the water, maybe that was one of the effects of losing memories, loss of self? That sounded about right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How was he supposed to drink the water anyway? He wanted to scoop it up in his hands, but something deep inside him told him not too. An instinct, why would instinct tell him not to touch water? Didn’t he need to drink it to survive? Why did he feel it would hurt him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pushing away the part of him screaming danger, Ranboo reached out to the water. He dipped his hands in and immediately regretted it. It burned badly. His hands felt far too cold and far too hot all at once, and he pulled his hands out of the water quickly. That didn’t stop the hurt though, it almost made it worse. Now he could see his hands, the skin was bubbling where it had come into contact with the water, and it wouldn’t stop burning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo screeched in pain and fear, the sound not quite . . . normal. It echoed in the air strangely. A drop of water made its way down his wrist, leaving behind a small trail of burning and freezing, pain. It hurt so badly, and Ranboo didn’t know what to do to make it stop. He clenched his fists tightly, trying very hard not to scream again. He didn’t want anyone to find him like this, curled over himself off the ground clutching his hands close to his chest. This couldn’t be normal! He knew he needed water, it was something he knew innately. Why did it hurt?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why did it hurt?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here we go! So exited to finally be posting this!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Gold and Emerald</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ranboo was a bit confused. He was walking through a small village, holding a single bar of gold in one hand and an emerald in the other. But that’s not what was confusing, no, what confused Ranboo is that he could have sworn he fell asleep in the forest. He doesn’t remember coming to this village, heck, he doesn’t even know where this village is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ranboo was a bit confused. He was walking through a small village, holding a single bar of gold in one hand and an emerald in the other. But that’s not what was confusing, no, what confused Ranboo is that he could have sworn he fell asleep in the forest. He doesn’t remember coming to this village, heck, he doesn’t even know where this village is. He doesn’t know where he got the gold, though he assumes he must have traded for it. Why would he trade for gold?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pocketing the precious metals, Ranboo looks around, trying to figure out where he was. Ranboo hadn't blacked out like that since he woke up in a flower field, he had assumed it was a one time thing. Apparently not, that thought filled him with bubbling anxiety. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It had been a couple years since he woke up in the field, he had made no progress on figuring out what happened to him. One thing he did find out was that he wasn’t quite . . . right. Not fully human, he also figured out that most people didn’t like that about him. Most people didn’t like him in general. It had made him wary of going into villages, he didn’t want to upset anyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he needed to figure out where he was, which meant asking the villagers. If the gold was from a trade, that probably meant that this village was ok with him, right? He was going to assume so, because he was worried he would start panicking if he considered any of the other options.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had forgotten how terrifying waking up blank felt, like the proverbial rug had been ripped out from under him. He had no way of knowing what he did during his black spot, anxiety flooded through Ranboo, but he forced it down. Panicking could be saved for after he was somewhere safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because say what you want about villages, they were definitely not safe. They were, at most, apathetic. Or maybe that was just a him thing, maybe villages were the nicest places on the earth for others. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo started walking towards the center of the town, cautiously making his way towards the market. Maybe he could buy some directions? He did have an emerald after all. That seemed like a solid plan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo reached up to fiddle with his necklace as he walked, it was a nervous habit of his, the thing had been worn down by how much Ranboo played with it. He got nervous a lot. It was one of his defining features.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he walked, Ranboo saw a few villagers, their faces screwed up in some emotion he couldn’t name. Disgust? Anger? Fear? Ranboo didn’t really want to think about it, because the thought that there were people afraid of him was quite strange. He didn’t approach them, he didn’t think they would take kindly to him speaking to them, so he hurried on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arriving in the market, Ranboo was immediately blown away by the number of people. It was a relatively small village, so to see so many people walking through the market was very surprising, and anxiety raising. To make it even worse, Ranboo didn’t see a single hybrid in the crowd. That . . . did not bode well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pushing his fears down, Ranboo walked up to the nearest stand. A Butcher, the man was short but wide, with arms the size of logs, he was shifting through his chests. Ranboo faltered again, this was such a bad idea, but he didn’t have much choice. He needed to find out where he was, as quickly as possible. Ranboo cleared his throat gently, trying to catch the man's attention. The butcher spun around with a customer service smile, though it immediately dimmed when he caught sight of the hybrid in front of him. Ranboo fought the urge to curl into himself, trying to adjust to having the man's eyes on him. He hated being looked at, all the more reason to get this done quickly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Excuse me?” Ranboo spoke quietly, keeping his eyes on the ground, “I-I’m a bit lost, do you think you could give me some directions?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That depends,” The man's voice was gravely and low, “Do you have any money?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“U-uhm.” Ranboo shuffled his feet, he wanted this conversation to be over like, yesterday, “I have an emerald? And a gold bar? Would that work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The butcher let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes before reaching out for the payment, Ranboo handed it to him timidly. The butcher’s eyes caught on his scarred hands, and something like disgust filled his eyes. Ranboo made a note to cover the water burn scars at some point.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’ll do,” The Butcher pocketed the metals, “Where do you need to go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo suddenly realized that he had no idea what to say, he didn’t know where he was nor where he wanted to go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh, um-” He stuttered, trying to buy himself some time to think.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Speak up boy!” The butcher barked, Ranboo flinched hard, his thoughts scattering even farther. He could feel more and more eyes falling on him, he was well aware he was causing a scene, and his panic only increased. He could hear whispers, all directed at him - </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is that a hybrid?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What's he doing here?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kid’s holding up the line</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Freak can’t even speak properly</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo could feel his heart pounding, tears gathered in his eyes. He wiped them on his sleeve quickly, knowing they would burn if they fell. He tried to pull himself together, but it felt like his head was full of cotton, panic and shame making a volatile mix in his head. The barely restrained anger that dripped from the butcher hardly helped, Ranboo really wanted to be anywhere else, wanted to be anyone else. Ranboo let out an involuntary warble of fear and the butcher flinched back, distrust filling his eyes. Ok, yeah no, Ranboo wasn’t gonna be there anymore, now seemed like a perfect time to be anywhere else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry for-” Ranboo took a shaky breath, trying to get his thoughts across without breaking out in tears, “For bothering you, I - Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, Ranboo spun around and bolted. Less focused on where he was going and more on getting away. Away from the people, from the eyes. He pushed people aside as he ran, being met with varied amounts of anger. He barely registered it in his panicking mind, he couldn’t hear anything over his heartbeat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo skidded to a stop next to an alleyway, bracing himself against a nearby wall. As the adrenaline faded the tears finally began to fall. It burned like hell, only serving to make him sob harder. He placed an arm over his eyes, trying to get the tears to soak into his sleeve instead of his skin. It worked slightly, but his eyes were still stinging. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo shakily walked into the alley, trying to get away from any potential watchers. He really didn’t want anyone looking at him while he was like this, and something more instinctual told him to get away from anyone who could look at him. Ranboo was happy to comply with it, slinking deeper into the alleyway. The darkness felt comforting, like a blanket, and he couldn’t stop himself from relaxing, his shoulders slumping. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Safe </span>
  </em>
  <span>It whispered </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe in the dark</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo let himself fall to the ground, leaning against a cobblestone wall, the stone dug into his back uncomfortably. He hesitantly moved his arm away from his eyes, hoping that he had stopped crying enough that it wouldn’t hurt. He waited a few seconds for the burn to return, but it didn’t. Safe, he was safe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo curled into himself slightly, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs and resting his head against his knees. Letting the dark wrap him up in its protection. If he really tried, he could imagine that he was still in the forest. Away from the prying eyes of humans as he rested in a tree. Maybe that was his mistake, maybe he shouldn’t have assumed he was safe just because the dark reminded him of his home. He let his guard down in the middle of enemy territory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Footsteps sounded to the right of Ranboo, followed by a loud gasp. Ranboo jolted, quickly raising his head to evaluate the new threat. Standing off to his right were three young boys, all slightly older than him. Their appearance instantly put Ranboo on guard, the adrenaline from earlier returning, the panic alongside it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey look!” The tallest boy called out, “It’s the freak from earlier!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo couldn’t hold in his flinch, and the boy must have noticed, because he took a few emboldened steps towards Ranboo, a lazy grin painting his face. The other two follow closely behind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonder what kind of freak he is?” Questioned one of the boys, pushing forward to get a better look at Ranboo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it matter?” The other boy rolled his eyes, “Why don’t we just get rid of him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo felt his heart stop, then start back up again, beating wildly. He quickly searched for a way out, his fight or flight activating. Unfortunately, in his earlier panic he had managed to corner himself. If he wanted to escape he would have to run past the boys, and he really didn’t wanna fight them. They seem to know that already, as the main boy smiled harshly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Called the tall boy, “We can’t just leave him here, he could be a threat!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo was the farthest thing from a threat, especially at that moment, but the boy didn’t seem to care. He advanced another few steps, pushing Ranboo farther into the corner as he tried to get away from the real threat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo really thought that these boys should spend more time in forests. If they did, they would know that a cornered animal fights even harder then one with nothing to lose, and oh boy was Ranboo cornered. In the literal and metaphorical sense. Ranboo was absolutely terrified, and he was horribly tired. That only made him stronger, because when flight wasn’t a choice, he would fight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so, with an ear shattering screech, Ranboo lunged forward at the boy in the middle, his fingers elongating into deadly claws. He slashed at the boy, hitting him across the cheek. Blood dripped from where Ranboo had hit him, a few more inches up and the boy would’ve been out an eye. But Ranboo wasn't done, panic and rage mixing together, making him a sort of feral. He tackled the boy, before leaning down to bite his shoulder. The boy screamed in pain and fear as blood gushed from the bite, but before Ranboo could go back in for another bite, a set of arms wrapped around him. They dragged him away from the sobbing boy in front of him. All bark and no bite, Ranboo thought bitterly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo reached to the arms around his middle, scrabbling at them with his claws. He left deep gashes in the kids arms, and the kid quickly let go of him. He dropped to the ground in a crouch, before spinning around and leaping at the kid who grabbed him with a feral hiss. Ranboo stomped on the kids foot before blindly slashing at him, leaving him with new rips in his shirt, as well as small cuts which leaked blood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was little more than a scratch, a determined cat could do more, but these boys had likely never seen blood before. It was more than enough to scare them. The kid Ranboo had been attacking raises his hands in surrender, before turning and running away. A quick search of the area shows that the third boy already left, smart, and the first was still laying on the ground, sobbing loudly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go.” Ranboo hissed at the boy, “Go away!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy made the smart decision and pushed himself to his feet before bolting. He yelled something about freaks at Ranboo as he went, but Ranboo couldn’t be bothered to chase him. He knew, after all, that the village would be after him soon. The boys were likely to spread the story of the scary hybrid who attacked them, leaving out the parts where they antagonized him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Upon hearing distant shouting, Ranboo sprinted out of the alley way, making his way out of the village quickly. It was only once he reached the tree line that he truly relaxed, as he caught his breath, he swore something to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was never going in a village again.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>People really do be hating on hybrids. Poor boo.<br/>I let him go a little feral, as a treat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Dreams and Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ranboo slowly slipped into consciousness, noticing immediately that he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He knew this because he had fallen asleep in a spruce forest, and he saw only oak trees around him. That was concerning, though not as much as it likely should have been. Ranboo blacked out quite often, and there were large chunks of his memory that he just couldn’t remember. And while he wouldn’t say it was ok, he had gotten used to it.</p><p>Honestly, Ranboo woke up confused and disorientated more often than not, it was just part of him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ranboo slowly slipped into consciousness, noticing immediately that he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He knew this because he had fallen asleep in a spruce forest, and he saw only oak trees around him. That was concerning, though not as much as it likely should have been. Ranboo blacked out quite often, and there were large chunks of his memory that he just couldn’t remember. And while he wouldn’t say it was ok, he had gotten used to it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Honestly, Ranboo woke up confused and disorientated more often than not, it was just part of him. He had started keeping a journal, somewhere to write important things down, the things he didn’t want to forget. It made him feel much better, to know that he wouldn’t lose everything, even if his memory continued to fade.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled his memory book out of his bag, intent on looking through it. If there was something he needed to worry about during his black out he could figure it out. If there wasn’t, there was no point in dwelling on the black out. He could just move on, one forest wasn’t different then another after all, there was no reason he couldn’t just start wandering through this forest instead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He flipped through the pages, the leather of his book bringing him comfort. Ranboo got to the last few pages when he saw a new addition, a single word. Oops.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Really? Did he really write oops into his memory book? The whole point was to be specific so that Ranboo would know what was happening, all oops did was make him nervous. What had happened? Ranboo had no clue, and wasn’t that a saddeningly common occurrence. Really, he needed to get better at writing in his book for it to be at all useful.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Closing his book gently, Ranboo looked around quickly. This was one of the most bland forests he had ever been in, little to no discerning features. Unless you count trees that is, which, you know, Ranboo didn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo paced in tight circles, trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t very well ignore the writing in his book, but he really didn’t know how to go about figuring out what happened.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Placing his book back into his inventory, Ranboo decided to start wandering. It had never failed him before, he knew he would find something eventually. With that thought in mind, Ranboo started walking through the forest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo noticed things as he walked, the energy of the place felt . . . odd. Different then he was used to, it felt electric, more alive then usual. Ranboo didn’t know much about the world, but he was pretty sure that energy wasn’t supposed to change unless . . . </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t his server. That would explain the writing in his book, but how did he get off his server? He didn’t have nearly enough money to afford transportation to any private servers, and this definitely wasn’t Hypixel. So where was he?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only one way to find out, he supposed. He was going to need to find someone to ask, which meant he was going to have to break his no humans rule. This wasn’t a great situation, and he really didn’t want to be dealing with it. But it wasn’t like he could just ignore it, it was kinda important. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, with nerves shooting through the roof, Ranboo kept walking. Surely he would find someone eventually.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, Ranboo was a bit concerned that he managed to forget about transferring servers. That was very important, and this was the first really important thing that Ranboo had forgotten. Did that mean his memory was getting worse? He really didn’t want to think about it, so he wasn’t going to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was as he was walking that Ranboo noticed something, he was being followed. He couldn’t tell if it was a player of a monster, but he doubted that a monster would be sneaking. Most monsters used brute force, excluding maybe creepers, so he assumed it was a player. Though the fact that there was a player following him was very nerve wracking, he had no way of knowing if this player had any ill intent. He kept catching glimpses of green out of the corner of his eye, he subconsciously sped up more and more every time he noticed the player. He could feel their eyes on him, and he hated it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something told him not to talk to the player, an instinct inside him screaming danger. He couldn’t tell if that was a logical decision or a want to not have eyes on him. Either way, he figured that talking to the player was a bad idea, especially if they were trying to sneak after him. Who knew what would happen if they figured out Ranboo knew they were there, he didn’t want to get hurt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So, even more determined to find civilization, Ranboo continued to walk. He listened closely for any discerning sounds, hoping he could follow them to the nearest village at the very least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After about ten more minutes of walking, Ranboo heard something. Laughing. He began to walk towards the sound, maybe the player following him would leave once he was with someone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, as he walked towards the sound the green flashes became less frequent, until he stopped seeing it at all. Ranboo let out a deep sigh of relief, feeling the eyes leaving him. He guessed that was one good thing about his heritage, he always knew when someone was watching him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo walked towards the sound as the trees parted into a clearing. Stood in the middle of it were two people, a girl and a boy. The boy looked to be a hybrid, with small goat ears and horns barely poking out from his hair. He took a few more steps, finally able to get a good look at their faces and - </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Niki?” Ranboo called out, because that was definitely Niki, he would recognise her anywhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had been quite close, once, before Niki left her home village to follow her friend on his adventures. Ranboo had lived in the forest next to the village at the time, Niki had taken a sort of pity on him, giving him food and resources. Once she left Ranboo had no reason to stick around, and so he continued wandering. Niki had actually been the one to suggest the memory book, to keep him from forgetting her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ranboo?” Niki spun towards him, confusion clear in her eyes, “Wha- What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny story actually,” Ranboo picked at the gloves covering his burn scars, “I can’t remember.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Niki’s eyes immediately softened upon his response, confusion melting into tender concern. She took a few steps towards Ranboo before being interrupted by the boy she had been talking to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who is this Niki?” The boy's gaze flitted from Ranboo to Niki, “Do you know him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Niki reassured the boy, “He’s fine Tubbo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So his name was Tubbo then, good to know. Tubbo’s shoulders slumped in relief, the suspicion melting away. Either Tubbo was very close to Niki or he was very gullible. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was something Ranboo had to know, what was it again?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you get here Ranboo?” Niki’s voice was soft, concern practically flooded from her. The same Niki he remembered, that was relieving. He didn’t know how he would cope if he had remembered her wrong. Afterall, he had promised to never forget her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t actually know,” What did he want to ask, again? Oh, right! “Also, where is here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If possible, Niki grew even more concerned. Which Ranboo figured was warranted, Niki had left before she could see how bad Ranboos memory would grow. She seemed to want to say something, but she couldn’t get it out, her mouth opening and closing a few times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is the Dream SMP,” Tubbo called out, seeming curious, “How do you not know how you got here? you need a whitelist to get into this server.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh. So not only did he manage to transfer servers, he managed to get into a whitelisted server, then promptly forgot. Wonderful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh,” Ranboo stuttered, his mind spinning, “I have a bad memory. I probably just forgot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tubbo seemed to accept his explanation, leaning back a bit and shooting him an impressed look.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wonder who whitelisted you,” Tubbo murmured, more to himself than Ranboo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably Dream,” Niki responded, pulling Tubbo’s eyes back to her, “Does anyone else have the ability too?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t think so.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s that then.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I thought that new members were supposed to be run by everyone?” Tubbo sounded vaguely put out, “Did Dream just decide he was just too good for that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was all well and good, but Ranboo was a bit too busy panicking to pay attention. He hated all of the blanks in his mind, hated not being able to trust himself. His head felt like a minefield, panic and confusion mixing together and giving him one hell of a headache.  Niki seemed to notice, because she quickly turned the conversation away from Ranboo's sudden arrival.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Tubbo,” Niki smiled pleadingly at the boy, “Would you mind showing Ranboo around?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Course!” Tubbo turned towards Ranboo, smiling brightly, “C’mon Big Man! We got a whole SMP to see!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo decided to push aside all of the panic for later, hold on to the present.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, they were off.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ranboo finally arrives! Ft. Big sister Niki.<br/>Also, the friend Niki was following away from her village was Wilbur!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Friends and Failures</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Opening his eyes, Ranboo was immediately blinded by a bright light. He blinked a few times, chasing away the spots dancing in his sight. The sky was high in the sky, a few clouds floating across. </p>
<p>Ranboo looked around a bit, he was standing in the middle of L’manberg, it was overall a very average day. Except for the part where Ranboo couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing, though Ranboo guessed that was also pretty normal for him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Opening his eyes, Ranboo was immediately blinded by a bright light. He blinked a few times, chasing away the spots dancing in his sight. The sky was high in the sky, a few clouds floating across. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo looked around a bit, he was standing in the middle of L’manberg, it was overall a very average day. Except for the part where Ranboo couldn’t remember what he was supposed to be doing, though Ranboo guessed that was also pretty normal for him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Really, Ranboo should probably be a bit concerned by his rapidly decaying memory. He was starting to think that it was related to stress, and Ender was Ranboo under stress. Politics had never been his thing, and they still weren’t, but Ranboo wanted to help his friends. If helping his friends required sitting through meetings and political drama, Ranboo would do it. Very begrudgingly, but he would.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo reached into his inventory and pulled out his memory book, he needed to check if there was something he needed to do. He could have sworn there was something he needed to do. He had no clue what, though.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Flipping through his memory book, Ranboo found his most recent entry. Oh! He was supposed to visit Tommy! How could he forget that? It was important, he had told Tommy he would visit, and he was going too, come hell or high water. Preferably hell though, he quite disliked water.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo put his book away, sighing as he did so. He really hated blacking out, it was the absolute worst. Feeling the jagged edges of his mind, cutting into his head and making his ears ring. He could have sworn that it hadn’t used to be this bad, a hammer instead of a sword. Time had sharpened his pain, slicing at the frayed strands that had been barely holding him together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But there really wasn’t anything he could do about it, his blackouts were a part of him, as much as he despised them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, shaking his head to clear it, Ranboo started walking to the Nether portal. His head still felt foggy, and he was really hoping he wouldn’t forget again. He didn’t want to go through the whole memory book process if he could help it, it was quite inconvenient, and doing it multiple times on one trip would slow him down significantly. With how late Ranboo likely already was, he didn’t want to wait any longer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was as he was walking that Ranboo ran into Fundy, and when he says ‘ran into’ he means it literally. A full body collision.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh gosh,” Ranboo straightened himself up, looking to where Fundy had been knocked to the ground, “I’m so sorry, Fundy.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine!” Fundy waved off the offered hand, standing up by himself, “Just a little tumble.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That's good,” Ranboo's head felt heavy, “I wouldn’t wanna hurt you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, hey!” Fundy smiled enthusiastically, “I have an idea for how you could make it up to me!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How?” Ranboo was sure he was about to get pulled into something.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can have a mining competition with me!” Yep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m busy.” Ranboo murmured, “Things to do, can’t you ask someone else?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone else is busy!” Fundy’s tone turned pleading, “What are you even busy with? what’s more important than me?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I-I . . .” Ranboo felt the fog descend on his brain in one sudden move, “I can’t remember.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then it must not be that important!” Fundy smiled triumphantly, reaching out to grab Ranboo’s arm, “C’mon, please? It’ll be fun!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo was certain he was forgetting something important, he was half tempted to check his book, but he didn’t want to ignore Fundy, that would be rude. Right?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something was missing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure it was important . . .” Ranboo murmured, more to himself than Fundy. Of course, the fox hybrid heard it. Better hearing and all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“More important than me?” Fundy shot his best puppy dog eyes at Ranboo, “It’s probably not that big a deal, you can always do it later!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I - alright, I guess.” Ranboo shook his head another time, a fruitless attempt to remember, “Might as well.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks, Boo!” Fundy pulled on Ranboos arm, dragging him towards the mine, “This is gonna be so much fun!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo highly doubted that, he was hardly present enough to walk, let alone crack jokes with his friend. Even worse, something inside of him was screaming. Anxiety and dread rising up in his throat, making him want to vomit. And he couldn’t remember why, something was very wrong. He was missing something very important.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he should check his memory book . . . Manners aside, something was clearly going wrong, even if he didn’t know what.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Reaching into his inventory, Ranboo pulled his memory book out, only to have it snatched out of his hands by Fundy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dontcha know it's rude to ignore people?” Fundy smiled teasingly, “Not gonna engage in this conversation?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo knew that Fundy was unaware of what he was doing, Fundy couldn’t know. Fundy didn’t know that the book he was holding was Ranboo’s lifeline, that he was so carelessly waving around the only thing connecting Ranboo to the real world. He didn’t know that he was forcing Ranboo to stay in the dark, that he was pushing anxiety onto Ranboo every second the book was out of his inventory. He didn’t know.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Neither did Ranboo, he was already forgetting his distress. Panic melting away along with his last chance at grabbing his memory. He had half the mind to pull it back, hold onto his panic until he could restore the thing he was so clearly missing out on. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But he couldn’t, because the sun was beating down on him comfortably, the wood planks creaked beneath him, Fundy stood to his side, leaning on his shoulder. Ranboo couldn’t bring himself to dive into the cold of his mind just to dig up a half faded thought. Something that might not even be important.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it was selfish, but Ranboo wanted to keep his happiness, he didn’t want to rip himself apart just so he could put himself back together. Because even that would be temporary, he would lose his scavenged thoughts inevitably, and he would lose this moment along with them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So all Ranboo did was smile, lean into the fog, and make grabby hands towards Fundy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah,” Ranboo smiled, “I get it, I just wanted to check something. Give it here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fundy handed him the book with a cheeky smile, beneath it Ranboo could see him pleading. Don’t ignore me, don’t leave me.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was something so small, Ranboo didn’t think he had even seen Fundy smile without those undertones. Abandonment issues the size of Hypixel, he had. It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Alright, Memory Boy,” Fundy chuckled at his use of Ranboo’s nickname, “Do you need the rules?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Considering that you made this competition and haven’t told me anything, I’d say so, yeah.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fundy laughed at that, and Ranboo decided that he had chosen right.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He needed to hold onto the present while he still had it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>___________________</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bonus Sad</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was cold, in logdotshire. Tommy couldn’t tell if it was the weather or just him. It was probably just him, he did live on a beach afterall.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He had been waiting a while, he knew, but he just couldn’t stop. Ranboo had said he would visit today, Tommy was determined to greet him when he showed up. Whenever that was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy sighed lowly, a little angry with himself. Here he was, sitting on a beach as the sun began to set, as the sand turned cold and the water dark, waiting for someone to show up. How desperate was he? That he was willing to wait so long just for a chance of seeing someone, of saying hello. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Well, he said hello to Dream on the daily, but that really wasn’t the same, was it? Dream was . . . </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Horrible, he hated Dream and Dream hated him.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dream was around on the daily, so he had grown a bit stale. Tommy needed some variety, was all! And Ranboo was quite nice, loyal and kind. Tommy could see them becoming great friends, maybe even as good as him and Tubbo . . .</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Hot. So hot. Screaming and crying and yelling. His best friend, his everything. All he had left. Yelling. Leaving, he had to leave. A pair of horns superimposed onto the one he trusted the most. Exile, Exiled. He was gone.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nah, he would never trust anyone as much as he trusted Tubbo, not even after . . .</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>They had seen everything together, the start of it all. The end of it all.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Two discs, two boys. Forever entwined.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Anyways, Tommy was waiting. The sun had set long ago, the air had turned icy. Still Tommy sat, waiting. He knew it was hopeless at this point.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>All he could do was hope. He wouldn’t have anything without hope. They wouldn’t take that from him too. Them? Who are they? </span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy cleared his throat - the sound echoing into the strangely silent air - trying to clear his head, fruitlessly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was fine, this was fine. Ranboo had probably just forgotten. He did have a thing with memory, didn’t he?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Consigning himself to another quiet night, Tommy pushed himself to his feet and started the walk back to his tent.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As he was walking, the air temperature dropped significantly. Most people wouldn’t have even noticed, it was rather small, but Tommy wasn’t most people. This in particular was something he was in tune with. The air became frigid, everything muted. He knew what this came with. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ghostbur.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy didn’t know whether to be happy or not.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Happy, he was so happy. He wasn’t alone. Not really.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a huff, Tommy pushed his way into his tent, Ghostbur could come meet him there. Tommy wasn’t leaving the warmth for anything, especially not to meet up with more cold.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sure enough, mere minutes later Ghostbur was sliding into Tommy’s tent, in that quiet and unassuming but loud way only Ghostbur could manage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Tommy,” Ghostbur smiled fondly, “How are you this fine night?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kinda shitty, Ghostbur.” Tommy crossed his arms as Ghostbur settled himself into his tent, “You?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m good Tommy,” Muted concern dripped into Ghostbur’s eyes, “Is there a reason you are bad? Anything I can do?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Help Help Help. He always wants to help. Take it. He’ll give.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing much, big man,” The lie was obvious in his words, even Ghostbur could hear it. “Ranboo was supposed to visit today, but he never showed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ranboo?” Ghostbur questioned, leaving forward slightly and resting his elbows on his knees, “I saw Ranboo today!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A pang of hurt ran through Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Stop Stop Stop. This is only going to hurt. Don’t hurt.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Tommy murmured, leading.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Ghostbur didn’t seem to notice the souring atmosphere, “He was mining with Fundy!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Stop Stop Stop Stop. It hurts.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fundy, huh?” Tommy spoke softly, hardly audible. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>He used to be so loud. Shh Shh Shh. Quiet down.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mhm!” Ghostbur nodded enthusiastically, happy in that way he only got when talking about his son, “He and Fundy had a mining competition!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Did they look like they were having fun?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah! They were laughing really hard.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So Ranboo had ditched Tommy for Fundy. That made sense, he supposed. Why would Ranboo want to visit Tommy? Tommy, who was loud and annoying. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ghostbur finally seemed to catch on to Tommy’s falling mood, he leaned forward slightly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like some blue?” He held some up to Tommy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure.” Tommy took the blue from Ghostbur.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He cupped the powder in his hands, it stained them blue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strike>
    <span>Blue hands were much better than Red ones.</span>
  </strike>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tommy quite liked the color blue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And if, that night, an exile cries himself to sleep. Drowning in his own tears. If a ghost of a once great man hums lullabies in the place of comfort, incorporeal hands incapable of holding what he loves. If a nervous teen fails to find sleep, an unknowable feeling of guilt suffocating him and leaking from his eyes in tears that burn his skin . . .</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No one has to know.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No one can know.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It really do be time to breakdown and cry.<br/>We can all cry together, it'll be therapeutic.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Craters and Second Chances</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Pulling his eyes open, Ranboo was immediately met with a headache. It wasn’t just a normal headache either, it was the type of headache that made him want to curl up on the ground and sob. It ripped through his head, pain echoing around his skull.</p>
<p>Yikes. This blackout was killer.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Pulling his eyes open, Ranboo was immediately met with a headache. It wasn’t just a normal headache either, it was the type of headache that made him want to curl up on the ground and sob. It ripped through his head, pain echoing around his skull.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yikes. This blackout was killer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo hadn’t had a blackout this bad in a very long time, not since he . . . </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The thought fell away from him, leaving behind a blank spot. He felt himself stutter, his head trying to fill the space left behind by his failing memory. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo’s eyes began to water, and he reached up to cover his eye with a gloved hand. He noticed that there were already more burn scars than usual around his eye. That was certainly odd. He had been crying? Why was he crying? And why was he crying so hard he couldn’t catch the tears on fabric? This was shaping up to be quite the odd day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shuting his eyes tightly, Ranboo tried to will his headache away. It didn’t work, of course, though it did lessen slightly. He assumed that was more from time then his wishing. He felt it slowly lessen and the fog in his head slowly moved away. He was stabilizing, which was very good. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His eyes had stopped watering, so Ranboo moved his hand away from his eye hesitantly. There was a brief stinging as some liquid leaked out, but it was manageable. All Ranboo did was wince. He was sure that the little bit of water hadn’t done too much damage. Especially in the grand scheme of things, his right eye and cheek were already scarred beyond belief. This little bit of water wouldn’t do anything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And yes, Ranboo knew he could simply use a healing potion on his burns, that they wouldn’t leave a scar if he did, but at some point it wasn’t worth it. Nothing more than a waste of a healing potion. Because inevitably he would have a breakdown and cry, then he would get burned again. He would laugh a bit too hard and his eyes would water, then he would get burned. His emotions would well up and he would cry a bit, then he would get burned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So overall, Ranboo didn’t see much point in healing those specific burns, just like he didn’t heal the minor burns around his mouth. He didn’t always have a straw, and drinking water was surprisingly dangerous when one wrong move could sting him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He just couldn’t be bothered with healing it anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So he styled his hair in a way that it fell over his right eye, and he wore a black and white mask. No one asked, they all had their quirks afterall, and everything was all the better for it. If the scars ever got to be a problem, he could heal them. Until then, Ranboo just didn’t care enough to fix something that would inevitably come back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With his headache finally dulled to something manageable, Ranboo set about looking for his memory book. Key word being looking, because his memory book wasn’t where he usually kept it. That was strange, no, panic inducing. Where was his book? He really needed it, especially after such a harsh blackout. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Had he lost it? No, Ranboo couldn’t bring himself to consider that thought, it was probably just back home. He had just put it away on accident, maybe when he was clearing out his things? Yeah, that sounded right. He just needed to go back to L’manberg and look through his chests. He could start panicking if, and only if, he didn’t find it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something about this felt familiar.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking his head in some attempt at clarity, Ranboo started his walk back home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a long walk, as Ranboo was surprisingly far away. He was lucky he had a compass on him, he would have been completely lost without it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo felt his panic build more and more as he walked, what ifs clanging around in his head. He could hear his heartbeat, and was aware that it was much faster than it should be. He was just catastrophizing it, he knew. He needed to calm down before he stopped being able to walk. That was easier said than done, though. He was quite reliant on his memory book, without it . . . </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He would float away, forget everything and everyone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Again, catastrophizing. He knew, vaguely, that he could probably have some semblance of a normal life without his memory book if he just stayed away from stressors. Unfortunately, that was much more difficult than it sounded, the entire Dream SMP was a stressor. Ranboo had never been on a server with more war and chaos. It was almost impressive how disastrous the server was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo walked for another ten minutes, maybe more? He spent a lot of the walk in his mind, only barely present enough to direct himself towards L’manberg. It was hard not to fall into old habits, wandering around until the sun set, he had to remind himself that he had a goal. Somewhere he needed to get. It was pretty difficult to do when his mind felt like it was lagging behind his body, too deep in his own thoughts.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, though, he started recognizing the area around him. He was getting closer, that was very good. He could find his book, and stop panicking. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo was missing something, he could feel it. A gap in his mind wider than anything he had felt before. He didn’t know what to do about it, he needed his memory book to fix it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He walked over a hill, and L’manberg finally came into sight - and -</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was just a crater. A crater. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing there, all gone, wha-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fear. It’s gone, gone.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Traitor, he’s a traitor. Alone. Afraid. Obsidian and panic</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Dream is the reason.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Warnings and Withers. TNT.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Screaming and crying. Gone. L’manberg.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Techno, do not read, Phil.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He remembered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo immediately started spiralling, how could he forget Doomsday? He - how?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The day when L’manberg was blown up, he forgot all of it. Panic rammed full force into Ranboo, tears began spilling from his eyes. He didn’t have the mental presence to cover his eye, burning started running down his cheek. Ranboo didn’t care, was barely present enough to notice. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo found suddenly that he couldn’t breath. It felt like his mouth was filled with cotton, and he couldn’t get enough air in. Black spots danced in his eyes. He had forgotten, forgotten something so important. He didn’t forget important things, that was what he always said. But he forgot this. Was it a sign that L’manberg wasn’t important to him? Or that his memory was getting worse. The second option seemed much more likely, but it only prompted more questions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If he could forget this, who's to say he couldn’t forget his friends? Phil and Techno, Tubbo and Tommy. What if he forgot about them? He didn’t want to forget! What if he forgot himself? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What was a person, without their memories? An empty shell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo took quick shallow breaths, falling to the ground. He pulled his knees to his forehead and wrapped his arms around his legs. He couldn’t see through his tears, the whole right side of his face felt like it was on fire, his neck was burning as well. Tears dripping down his face and hitting it. Burning it. He was burning himself, fire lit from the inside, turning him to ash.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboo couldn’t think through his panic and pain, the mix of emotions pulled at him, ripping him in half. Why? Why did he forget? Ranboo squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying desperately to push his panic down. He failed, the pain feeding into his fear, his vision began to swim. He couldn’t stay up, his body felt weak, it couldn’t support itself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With a strangled noise that was more Enderman than player, Ranboo collapsed onto the grass next to him. He curled into himself even more, tucking his tail between his legs. His head was foggy, no, more than foggy. His brain was drowning, with all the burn that came with water for him. He was being ripped apart, he was sure.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ranboos' vision began to fade, his trembling slowly stopping as he lost consciousness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to hold onto the present, but he couldn’t. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With one last heavy sob, Ranboo fell into the water of his mind, passing out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Now Playing: C418 - mellohi</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Owwie. Big owwie.<br/>Poor Ranboo, I'm so sorry man.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Of Fire and Snow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ranboo slammed back into his body in one swift moment. The feeling was jarring, it left him reeling. Blackouts were bad, but this was a new sort of blackout. He had never felt that much pain in returning to himself. </p><p>Ranboo felt a bit disconnected from his body, his mind moving much slower then it should’ve.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ranboo slammed back into his body in one swift moment. The feeling was jarring, it left him reeling. Blackouts were bad, but this was a new sort of blackout. He had never felt that much pain in returning to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo felt a bit disconnected from his body, his mind moving much slower then it should’ve. He fumbled for his book with half numb hands, grabbing it out of his inventory. He immediately dropped it, shaking fingers unable to hold it properly. It fell to the ground, thudding into the thin layer of snow. Ranboo only stared at it for a few minutes, mind lagging behind him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reaching down to pick it up, Ranboo brushed the snow off the cover. Ender, this was bad. He had never felt this fuzzy, like his head was stuffed full of cotton. Something had gone wrong somewhere, he knew, because everything he knew had happened felt like a dream. He could hardly remember the heat of George's burning house, and Doomsday was little more than screaming.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yeah, something was very wrong, his mind shouldn’t be moving this slow. He had been stood in the middle of a forest holding his book for the past two minutes. He needed to read it. Would he even be able to read it? What with how foggy his head felt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had to try, he knew that the fog wouldn’t go away until he did. Wouldn’t even start to go away, he really wanted it to go away. Didn’t he? He vaguely remembered wanting to forget at some point, but that seemed a bit faded. A while ago? Then again, everything was a bit faded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was pretty sure he wanted to remember.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gently opening his book, Ranboo flipped through the pages. Scanning them as a way of catching himself up, it cleared some of the fog, but not much. Ranboo finally arrived on the final page, he reread it a few times before it stuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You need to collect wood for a build! The dog house, if you’ve forgotten. A few stacks would work.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have fun!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ok, collecting wood, he could do that. It didn’t take too much thought, more muscle memory than anything. Ranboo pulled his Axe out his inventory, walking towards the nearest tree. He only stumbled a few times, so he counted it as a success. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He swung his axe at the tree, it caught in the wood and sent reverberations up his arm. He continued hacking at the tree until it fell with a large thud, Ranboo didn’t even blink. He walked over to the fallen log and started chopping it into smaller pieces, ones that could be stored in his inventory.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboos' mind began to wander as he completed his self assigned task. The fog that covered him didn’t recede, if anything it got heavier. That was odd, usually time helped with the fog. Maybe it was because he was doing such a repetitive task? That sounded about right, maybe this wasn’t a good idea. It certainly wasn’t helping anything. He couldn’t stop, though, his body wasn’t listening to him. It was probably because of how weak the commands were. Ranboos grip on his axe loosened slightly, but that was about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That was . . . concerning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Really, it was a bit more than concerning, and if Ranboo had been a bit more present he would have been freaking out. As it was, Ranboo hardly noticed, he was too busy trying to keep his eyes open. He was so tired, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know a lot, really. It was all a bit iffy, he wasn’t even sure where he was. He didn’t recognize the trees around him, but that wasn’t saying all that much. He didn’t have the best sense of direction, and it was very easy for him to get lost.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did he get lost while looking for a forest? That was an odd thing, but he didn’t doubt it was possible. Ranboo realized that he was going to have a very difficult time getting home. Home. L’manberg? No - Phil and Techno’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ender, he was floating on cotton, almost choking on it. He really hated feeling this . . . disconnected. Like his body wasn’t his. It really wasn’t, was it? If he couldn’t control it was it his?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo didn’t want to think about that, so he wasn’t going to. A foolproof plan, really. It always worked out for him, well, usually. There were times when sticking his head in the sand had backfired, but Ranboo couldn’t really remember them. Did they even count if he couldn’t remember? Ranboo didn’t think so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo chopped down trees much longer than he should have, then was really necessary. But he really couldn’t stop, so he didn’t. He had much more than three stacks of logs, which he was pretty sure was what he needed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After another long period of time Ranboo couldn’t quite measure, he felt a prickling on his wrist. He looked down and -</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, it was snowing, when had it started snowing? When had the clouds gotten so dark? Ranboo didn’t remember noticing that. Then again, he hadn’t noticed much of anything. When did the wind start blowing so hard? When did it get so cold?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was storming, Ranboo realized, there was a snowstorm and he was lost in the middle of nowhere. Instead of the usual panic this would bring, all Ranboo felt was vague concern. Something deep inside of him was screaming about danger, but all he could feel was the bite of his axe into a tree, the knowledge that he had to collect wood. Even if he knew that he had more than enough, more wood then he would ever need.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wind picked up even more, it bit at Ranboo’s exposed skin. It blew huge snowflakes into his face and clothes, they brought a slight sting with them. Ranboo knew they would burn once they melted, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snow began to pile up around his feet, melting into his pants and socks. It burned his leg, a searing pain coming from something as simple as frozen water. Ranboo thought his relationship with water was quite ironic. He couldn’t survive without it, but it would hurt him if he so much as touched it. It was odd, something that Ranboo chalked up to his being a hybrid. Normal Endermen couldn’t cry after all, probably something evolved due to their dislike of water. They just had to stay away from water, Ranboo never had that option. There was so much water inside of him, coming from a part of him that could stand it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo’s very existence was counterintuitive. An Enderman that couldn’t stand water, but he cried it. A creature who needed water, but could barely drink it. It was quite the predicament, one of the main things he hated about being a hybrid. It seemed he got all the worst bits of both species. He couldn’t even teleport, he suspected his other half would get left behind if he tried. Which . . . wasn’t something he wanted to see, or feel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo jolted out of his head, realizing that he had been standing still for the past few . . . minutes? Hours? Ranboo didn’t know, probably not hours. Probably.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Snow had piled up to his knees, he couldn’t see two feet in front of him, and everything burned. Snow melted into his clothing, wetting it. The wet clothing rubbed against his skin and . . . yeah, it hurt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was with that pain that Ranboo was able to finally jolt himself out of his trance. He needed to get out of this forest, and quickly. He needed to get back home, because everything hurt and he really just wanted to curl up next to Enderchest to wait out the storm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was a bad one, this storm. More of a blizzard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo could tell he still wasn’t fully present, because instead of the panic he should have felt at that thought, all he felt was a muted nervousness. A hollow shell of what he should be feeling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo really didn’t know how he was supposed to get home, either. Because he didn’t have a compass, nor a map. He . . . he was going to have to wander in random directions, wasn’t he? That was unfortunate, he really wasn’t in the mood to wander, not in this type of storm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a low warble, Ranboo started walking, putting his axe back into his inventory. He couldn’t feel his legs anymore, but he kept walking - more stumbling then anything - in the direction he had chosen. At random, mind you. Ranboo had no clue what he was doing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sky had turned a dark grey, snow fell in large clumps, covering the ground in a blanket of white. The snow on the ground was very good at concealing dips in the ground, something Ranboo discovered very quickly when his foot got caught in one, he went tumbling to the ground. Landing in a large pile of snow, Ranboo was immediately overloaded with different sensations. It was freezing, but also burning. So cold it was hot, and he might have twisted his ankle as he fell, because it was throbbing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was so tired, and it was so tempting to close his eyes and fall asleep in the snow. The cold leeching what little energy he had quickly. The snow began to melt as he lay in it, and it started burning horribly. Ranboo pushed himself up with a shaky hand, then immediately fell again, unable to support himself. A screech of pain escaped him as he fell back into the snow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was . . . so tired . . . he really wanted to close his eyes, take a nap, but he knew he wouldn’t wake up if he did. He really didn’t want to use up one of his lives because he fell into snow, so with the last of his energy he pushed himself to his knees, then to his feet. He started stumbling forward again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He continued his slow pace for another few minutes before the cold began to fade. What had been freezing started to boil him. He was overheating in the middle of a snowstorm, that was odd, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Too tired and numb to question it, Ranboo pulled off his mask and gloves. It did very little to quench the fire that had started up inside of him, so he shrugged his suit jacket off, it fell into the snow behind him. He didn’t bother to pick it up, leaving it in the snow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was still so hot, and now the snow that was falling was burning him easier, searing his skin. He was starting to fall away from his body, his mind attempting to shield itself from his pain. He couldn’t let that happen, if he passed out he would die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was lucky he had experience in holding together a failing mind, else he would have died already. As it was, he was able to trudge through the snow for a bit longer, to stay awake a bit longer. His right side was more burn than skin at that point, his cheeks were a violent red. His eyes had started watering from the wind, only adding to the burns on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He realized now that taking off his jacket was probably a very bad idea, if only for the protection from the snow. He couldn’t do anything about it now, though. Even if he backtracked for it, it was likely soaked through by now. It wouldn’t be any help.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo continued to walk, teetering on the edge of consciousness, for a while. Just as he was about to give up and go to sleep, he saw smoke in the distance. With a new goal in mind, Ranboo moved even faster. He was determined to get somewhere where he could get away from the pain all around him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally breaching the treeline, Ranboo saw something in the distance. Was that . . .?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil and Technos house! He had found it, somehow. He imagined it was probably something subconscious, he couldn’t be that lucky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Stumbling up to the door, Ranboo found himself unable to knock. He couldn’t lift his arms, they were deadweights at his side. Ranboo fell to his knees at the door, thudding onto the ground loudly. He really didn’t want to die when he was this close, but he didn’t have much choice. He had finally pushed it too far, his body was shutting down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He fell onto his side, laying in the thin layer of snow. He was fully prepared to shut his eyes and sleep, he didn’t see much else he could do, when the door opened slightly. He vaguely heard a shout of surprise, followed by the door being yanked open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Through blurry eyes, he caught sight of blond hair, and something green. Philza. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had made it.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And you thought the last chapter was bad, here we have local memory boi almost freezing to death.<br/>He's gonna give Phil a heart attack.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Flames and Comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Ranboo woke up, he was immediately greeted by a comforting warmth. It was a far cry from the way he remembered falling asleep. Ender, he didn’t think he was going to wake up when he fell asleep.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>When Ranboo woke up, he was immediately greeted by a comforting warmth. It was a far cry from the way he remembered falling asleep. Ender, he didn’t think he was going to wake up when he fell asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Blankets piled high, covering him in a cozy embrace. He was laying on a bed, propped up on a multitude of pillows. The crackle of a fireplace was prominent, quiet ambient noise relaxing him. Ranboo sighed heavily in contendeness. After a few minutes of lazing in the bed, Ranboo peeled his eyes open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking around the room Ranboo immediately recognized it as the loft, he was in Techno’s house. Digging through his mind, Ranboo vaguely remembered falling asleep on the front door, someone found him. Who? Probably Phil, his memories pointed towards that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo didn’t want to overstay his welcome, so he prepared to stand up, despite how much he longed to stay in the comfort of the bed, with its blankets and warmth. He didn’t want to stay in Techno’s house longer than necessary, so he had to leave. He didn’t know where he would go afterwards. his shack didn’t have walls, so it was probably filled with snow by now, but he would work something out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His arms and legs ached as he slowly moved out of the bed, probably signaling that he shouldn’t have moved yet, but Ranboo was going to ignore that. Standing up straight, Ranboo noticed that someone had changed his clothes. They were clearly not his, because the sleeves barely reached his wrist, and his ankles were completely exposed. They were obviously made for someone much shorter than he was. Granted, that was about everyone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Putting the size aside, they were quite nice. Red pajamas, fluffy and cozy, and most importantly, warm. Ranboo was already planning on getting a pair for himself, one his size, and probably not in red. Maybe black, or purple.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo stretched slowly, his joints popping as he did. It was then he noticed, he wasn’t covered in burn scars anymore. He stopped stretching to evaluate himself, he was in surprisingly good shape. Most of his burn scars were healed, sans the ones around his eye. He knew from experience that it took quite a bit of effort to heal those, effort Phil hadn’t known to put in. He probably shouldn’t let them sit for so long, he knew that the older they were the less the potions would work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighed at that thought, looking down at his hand. It was still scarred from the day he woke up, and he didn’t know about healing potions back then. They were far too old to be healed, leaving him with a permanently scarred hand. It was a bit of a bummer, but at least he could easily cover them with gloves.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shaking his head, Ranboo started walking towards the ladder, maybe he could sneak by without Phil noticing him, he thought it might get awkward if Phil noticed him leaving.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gripping the ladder tightly, Ranboo slowly climbed down to the main room. He turned around to see Phil standing by the potion stands. He turned around - likely hearing Ranboo’s less than graceful descent - with a warm smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Mate,” Phil turned back to the potion stand, “How are you feeling?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh -” Ranboo stuttered, his quick escape foiled, “Good, I guess. A bit sore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I imagine,” He looked a bit put out, “I didn’t have strong enough healing pots, I’m brewing some more right now, actually.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh- You don’t have to do that!” Ranboo stuttered out, he didn’t want Phil using up stronger potions on some soreness, “I’ll be fine, really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your cheek is still all burned, though,” Phil looked concerned now, “Don’t you want that healed?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No point.” Ranboo realized suddenly that Phil was trying to heal his tear scars, “They’ll just come back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil raised a single eyebrow, questioning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Its - uh.” Ranboo found himself having to explain the scars, for the first time in his life. “They’re from my tears, you see. So - Uh, it's a waste of time to heal them. They just come back, the next time I cry.” Which was saddeningly often.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your tears burn you?” Phil seemed shocked, “Isn’t that counterintuitive?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quite, Hybrid things, you know.” Ranboo waved his hand dismissively, “Normal endermen can’t cry, but here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil’s eyes softened in understanding, but he didn’t move to stop brewing the potions. Ranboo suspected he was going to heal the burns anyways. Phil was nice like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, mate,” Phil let the matter drop, “But we’re still healing them.” Yep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-ok. I guess it couldn’t hurt.” Ranboo conceded, “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem,” Phil turned back towards his potions, they were almost done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo walked over to Phil, as he was getting tired of hovering by the ladder. They sat in comfortable silence until the potions finished. Blue water turning a vibrant magenta. Phil reached towards them, grabbing the closest one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here mate,” He handed it to Ranboo, “For your burns.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Ranboo took it from him timidly, “You know, this isn’t neccesar-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no harm,” Phil interrupted, “It’ll make me feel better, either way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo decided it wasn’t worth it to fight anymore, he downed the potion in one go. After a few seconds his soreness faded, then came the odd feeling of his scars healing, making him shiver. He reached up and felt his cheek, it was always odd when it was smooth. He had burn scars so often. Thinking about it, that was kinda sad.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Much better,” Phil nodded happily, “I can’t imagine those were pleasant, they looked pretty gruesome.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just made me a bit sore,” Ranboo murmured, handing the empty potion bottle back to Phil, “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem,” Phil smiled at him, “Techno’s so rich, I could make thousands of high level potions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can imagine,” Ranboo chuckled weakly, “Techno has a lot of everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That he does,” the humor suddenly faded from Phil’s eyes, shifting to concern, “Would you mind telling me what happened, exactly? I found you half dead on the front door.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I just got caught in a snowstorm, is all.” Ranboo tried to reassure Phil, it really wasn’t his problem. “Got a bit careless.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You go stuck out in that?” Phil pointed out the window, eyes wide, “Mate, that's a full class blizzard. How did you not notice it was coming?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was a bit distracted,” It was technically the truth, “I was collecting wood for the dog house.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil looked a bit guilty at that, which was not at all Ranboos intent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t your fault!” He really didn’t want Phil blaming himself, “It’s not like you sent me out there in the middle of a snowstorm.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was clear it was going to snow all day,” Phil looked worried, “Why did you go out at all?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ah. The question Ranboo had been dreading, mainly because he didn’t have an answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh- I actually don’t remember?” Ranboo rushed through his explanation, “I just woke up in a forest.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If possible, Phils concern only increased. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that normal?” Phil questioned, “Waking up somewhere, with no memory of getting there?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For me, I guess,” Ranboo chuckled humorlessly, “Not for other people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anything I can do to help?” Phil was pointedly not making eye contact, something Ranboo appreciated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think so.” He smiled sadly, “I’m just cursed to forget, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Phils eyes softened in sympathy, “That sounds horrible.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is,” Ranboo didn’t know if it was Phil's kind eyes, the warm atmosphere, or the leftover bubbly feeling from the healing potion, but he found he really wanted to talk to Phil. Explain what he was feeling. That urge was countered by a strong desire not to bother the winged man.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My memory’s been getting worse, lately.” he found himself saying, “I’ve been forgetting important things.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like what?” Phil asked, gently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - I forgot L’manberg had been destroyed a few days ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil's eyes widened slightly, Ranboo kept going.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“An - and I’ve been waking up in random places, my blackouts have been getting worse, more painful.” He took a breath, “and I think someone tampered with my memory book.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Phil was a good mix of worried and angry, not at him, he knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, there's a smiley face on one of the pages, so.” He sighed heavily, “Not much I can do about it, really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s horrible,” Phil’s eyes were sparkling with barely contained rage, “I’m going to be talking to Dream, I think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N - no, don’t!” Ranboo stuttered heavily, “You don’t need Him as an enemy, certainly not over me. I - I don’t even know if it was Him or not, it's not worth it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still, can’t hurt to ask,” It was clear Phil was putting effort into calming down, “I won’t if you don’t want me too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t.” Ranboo murmured, he couldn’t stand it if Phil got hurt because of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil seemed to have an idea at that moment, because his eyes lit up slightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I might have a solution,” He walked over to the enderchest, “I was going to give this to you later, but it seems it might come in handy now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached inside the enderchest, pulling out a small book.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here,” Phil handed the book to Ranboo, “For you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ranboo took it gently, it really was beautiful. Smooth leather dyed black, with red and green accents, there was a light purple sheen on it. A small gold string dangled from the side, to be used as a bookmark. The pages were crisp and even. It was crafted with care.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - Thank you, Phil,” Ranboo was going to start crying, he laughed wetly, “I’m gonna feel bad writing in this, it's so pretty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, I can always make another one if this one gets ruined,” Phil laughed slightly, “It was made to be used.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I - I don’t know what to say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to say anything,” Phil smiled, “It’s also enchanted, no one but you can open it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ender damn it, he was going to start crying. His eyes were already watering, and he lifted an arm to catch the tears on his sleeve. He didn’t want to get burned so soon after healing them. Ranboo clutched the book close to his chest with his free arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Phil,” Ranboo didn’t think he could convey how much this mattered to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He also didn’t think Phil understood the undertones of giving Ranboo the book. That he was implying that he cared about Ranboo remembering, that he wanted Ranboo to stick around, stay himself. It meant . . . so much.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, mate,” Phil laughed lightly, “are you crying?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a good cry,” Ranboo laughed, “Just trying not to burn myself already.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Phil smiled warmly, nodding at Ranboo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had his present.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as the snow raged on outside, Ranboo thought about how lucky he was to have somewhere to go when it snowed.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Woooooo, you made it!<br/>When I tell you I burned myself out writing this fic.<br/>But it's all worth it now that its done, I'm gonna go take a nap.<br/>Hope you enjoyed!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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